I am unsure what prompted me to write this, and I am still quite baffled that I am choosing to share it with the world, but I recall a wise woman once said "music is meant to be expressed, and not merely played." Well I must sincerely apologize to you all who have seen me perform recently. I have merely been playing the melody and the fool, but with a new season fast approaching my craft is calling on my vulnerability, and if I want to move forward I can't ignore it, so for those who have never heard it told before, here is my little love story with music....
I would like to dedicate this post to the friends and family who have come along side me, and stayed for the journey.
“Every time we say goodbye, I die a little,
Every time we say goodbye, I wonder why a little,”
I have always understood music.
Before I knew what a quarter note or a time signature was, I was creating.
I learned by listening.
I couldn’t tell you what a staff was or define the word “chord” yet I heard harmony in every song.
I could isolate each part and sing it.
I could feel music, and I was certain it could understand me.
It became my greatest means of self expression.
I was a bit of an anomaly as a child.
I was shy yet fearless, reserved and rambunctious, curious, teachable, stubborn, and kind.
In different settings I could be different things.
“Why the Gods above me, who must be in the know.
Think so little of me, they allow you to go.”
The only time where all of these traits would come together, where I truly felt the entirety of “Elizabeth Joy” was while I was singing. Every chapter of my childhood is marked by music. My favorite memories of me ALL take place on the stage. The moments in which I have been the most proud of myself are all moments where I have poured my heart and soul into a performance.
“When you're near, there's such an air of spring about it,”
I LOVED music.
I loved learning about it.
I loved singing what I learned.
I loved listening to it.
I loved singing what I listened to.
You get the idea.
"I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it,"
I’m certain my family has heard me sing more than they’ve heard me speak, and MANY of my friends can probably say the same thing.
I could not imagine a life without music, and as I grew older, and reached the cusp of adulthood I came to realize that there was NOTHING. ELSE. in this world that I could do that would make me truly happy, and so…
"There's no love song finer,"
I leapt boldly from the cliffs of decision and uncertainty, and I DECIDED TO MAKE MUSIC MY CAREER!
"but how strange the change from major to minor..."
Who knew that one decision could shift my entire reality.
Choosing music was the easiest decision I have ever made. It was the biggest “no-brainer” in the history of ME, and everyone agreed and cheered and applauded!
And then I hit the icy waters below, and while gasping for breath I realized suddenly that I no longer understood what the world called music.
It was competition. It was fierce. It was calculating.
It had everything to do with who you knew, and what you looked like.
I was young, wild, and determined, and so I pushed on, and I fought. I fought through many heartbreaks, let-downs, and disappointments. There was even a time when it seemed on the outside that I had given up, but something within me fought for hope, and when I found it I clung to it for dear life, but by then music had almost become a foreign language to me. The new colleagues I found and hoped to call friends instead seemed to hold up a mirror to show me that all I was doing was unoriginal.
The worst thing anyone could ever call me is unoriginal.
Yet I found that every career goal I set, and every decision I made was all ready claimed by someone else. There’s nothing new under the sun.
I haven’t been sure of a single thing since I decided to pursue music as a career, so then WHY did I choose this again?!?!?
Oh yes, I remember…
"Every time we say goodbye, I die a little
Every time we say goodbye, I wonder why a little
Why the gods above me, who must be in the know
Think so little of me they allow you to go
When you're near, there's such an air of spring about it,
I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it,
There's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to minor
Every time we say goodbye."
Music has always been sure of me.
Everybody was created unique and special and beautiful and with PURPOSE.
Mine is music. To create it and express it and release it into the world, and hope that it falls on the ears that need to hear it.
If I am not singing I am not living, and so I choose to live on.